


Grief and Fate

by Anonymous_Creator



Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, How do you tag an Actor's Character's Death (Caleb), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 02:04:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16693333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Creator/pseuds/Anonymous_Creator
Summary: No one is ever really prepared to lose their D&D character in Critical Role. Losing Caleb means Liam has to face deep issues he has interwoven from his own life and loss into Caleb's narrative. Grief can, on occasion, lead to unexpected intimacy.





	Grief and Fate

**Author's Note:**

> The first rule of shipping real life humans is -- don't ship the real life humans. Especially don't ship them anywhere they can SEE it. And for the good grace of green apples don't mention it in places outside of this. This is weird. You're here too, welcome to my weird, weirdling. Enjoy it, but let's respect the real life humans and keep it on the down low.
> 
> I also appreciate comments, all that being said. If you're feeling brave.

Liam closed his iPad case and gave a tearful smile and a little wave to camera. Then he walked off the set.

Dani was there, of course, and he gave her the hug she needed. But he couldn’t do what Taliesin had done. He couldn’t sit and watch the game march on without him.

He untangled himself from Dani and walked out of the studio. The air was unusually muggy with a fresh rain and he looked up at the sky and hated the damn cloud that blocked what little star light existed so close to LA.He managed to reach his car before the sobs caught him.

He hadn’t expected it. How could he not have expected this? Caleb was dead. Caleb might not be coming back. Likely wouldn’t be coming back.

Eleven months in Caleb’s head and he wouldn’t save his father. Wouldn’t save his mother.

The sobs changed from steady, painful gasps to a hyperventilating panic attack. There was a sudden, deep, painful urge to hear his mother’s voice. His actual mother’s voice. His hands shook as he pulled out his phone and fumbled through the screens to get to his videos.

Stupidity of the highest order, he didn’t have anything purposefully recorded. The best he had was a thirty second clip of his family singing happy birthday to him a few years ago.

He wiped the tears off his face and hit the button. Strained to make out her voice in the song. Waited for the spate of laughter to hear her say “Happy Birthday,” and have the rest drowned out in cheers.

Liam clutched the phone to his chest and bawled.

A knock at the driver side window startled him. One hand clutched the new crick in his neck as he turned and saw a shape through a hazy window.

Liam wiped his face with his sleeve, gulped air desperately, and then opened the car door.

“Jesus, Liam.”

Liam caught a glimpse of Sam’s face, pulled tight with concern.

Sam crouched down next to the car seat and held out his hands. “I’m so sorry. Please. Come back inside. You don’t have to be alone right now.”

“You shouldn’t be here?” Liam said, confused. “We already had break.” He took the hand Sam offered and allowed himself to be leveraged out of the car seat.

Sam blinked back tears. “Liam, that was all… that was a while ago.” Sam cleared his throat and patted Liam on the arm awkwardly. “Come on, let’s get you somewhere that isn’t a fogged up car. You look like you had a hot solo date in there.”

Liam barked a surprised laugh before he turned and realized Sam was right. His windows were blurred with condensation. How long had he been sitting in there?

Mind numb, Liam allowed Sam to guide him back into the studio. He purposely stopped and stared at one of the artworks in the lobby. A gorgeous piece depicting Caleb in the midst of reading a book, Frumpkin on his shoulder, Nott admiring a collection of buttons next to him.

“This is how it ends?” he said in Caleb’s voice. “Just a moment of bad luck. A bit of fate, eh, friend.” The tears collected under his nose and dripped down his chin.

“Hey, hey,” Sam said. He put a hand on Caleb’s elbow and squeezed lightly. “Let’s get you something to drink, and a few extra hugs and--“

Liam turned and nearly collapsed into Sam’s arms. The pain felt like it was ripping him into pieces; large chunks torn off his body and shredded by hand. Sam caught him and held Liam’s head against his shoulder while he cried.

“I’m here. I’m here. I’m so sorry I can’t fix this. Damn it I know that’s not--.” Sam took a breath. “We’re all hurting. I’m sorry. That’s all there is to it. It sucks.”

Liam hugged Sam hard and nodded against his chest. He couldn’t find the way to speak yet. Words felt so fearsomely inadequate to express the weird, complicated mess in his head and heart.

Sam held him, wordless, a gentle sway and a soft squeeze every now and then. Liam sniffled and cried into Sam’s shoulder until he realized it was becoming a snot rag.

“I should get a tissue--“ he began to say as he pulled away.

Sam shushed and pulled Liam back in. “Don’t worry about the damn shirt.It’s a shirt. It’ll wash.” One of Sam’s hands began to lightly stroke Liam’s head. First the back of his head. Then it moved and cradled his cheek.

Liam leaned into that touch. He breathed a long, slow breath and put his own hand over Sam’s.

“You’re an amazing friend.” He didn’t open his eyes. He stood, quietly, and enjoyed the comfort of Sam’s hand on the curve of his face.

“Yeah, buddy.” Sam replied. Sam leaned his own head against Liam’s, foreheads lightly supporting each other.

Without a premediated thought, concern, or flicker of consequence, Liam leaned in and kissed Sam. Sam pulled back, one hand still tangled in Liam’s.

Liam’s eyes shot open and he stared at Sam with a growing sense of horror.

“Oh gods I don’t know what that was--“

“Liam, I uh - hey buddy um--”

They both stumbled over their words, talking over one another, a baffled look on both their faces.

Their hands fell away from one another and Liam spun and took several steps towards the door before stopping. Gods. What the fuck had he just done? And why?

“Liam?” Sam said. Liam couldn’t begin to fathom what that tone of voice meant.

It took a few breaths before he could force himself to turn around. It took several more to raise his eyes from the floor to look at Sam.

He was smiling. A strange, fey, tentative smile, but he was smiling. A hand reached towards him.

“I’m not upset. And if that’s something you want to talk about, or not talk about, now, or later, that’s all fine.”

Sam took a few steps towards Liam. Sam’s slow, cautious demeanor reminded Liam darkly of how one might try to approach an injured, wild animal.

Liam swallowed and wiped a hand over his face. “I think we are going to have to talk about that, however...” his eyes moved past Sam and focused on the sea of faces that were approaching him. Matt and Marisha, Travis and Laura. Others behind them, farther back, waiting to offer their own support and condolences.

Liam let his grief swallow him for a time, buoyed by his friends. The kiss teased and tangled with his sadness and he knew that he would have deal with that sooner than later, for his own sanity, and Sam’s. But he couldn’t today.

Liam leaned against Marisha and got another hug and a slug in the shoulder at the onset bar as the crew nursed drinks. This was the start of a new chapter in his life. He could figure out all the subplots tomorrow.


End file.
